Growing up, most of the media I consumed was in English, so most of the romantic male leads I was familiar with were white men in white movies. To also examine the sociocultural factors you grew up with and know that it’s not entirely your fault. To acknowledge that somewhere deep down, you may have internalized these stereotypes and that rejecting men because of their ethnicity, because they’re Asian, is racism. It’s worth it, however, to take a moment to examine this “natural” preference for non-Asian men. You’re just not interested in having sex with them. How can you be, anyway, when you yourself are Asian? It’s just a natural preference, you like “manly men,” you can’t help it, and besides, you have Asian male friends. You might protest that you’re not into Asian men not because you’re racist. You might already know that these stereotypes are nonsense. But just as these stereotypes do not define you, they do not define the men who look like you. That we aren’t creative or good conversationalists. That we’re book-smart but out of touch with politics. Perhaps you buy into other myths about Asians. Useful qualities for women, hence our charm! But not so for men. They’re supposedly not “well endowed,” and as Asians, they’ve been raised to be quiet and submissive. This means that we Asian women - as an Uber driver told me once - are “real ladies,” with tight fits, small, pliable bodies and no opinions. What might just seem like a harmless non-preference for people of your own race may really just be the result of internalized self-racism.Īpparently as Asians, we are, as a collective, small, meek and effeminate. But having been fed stereotypes about Asian men time after time, it’s not hard to put two and two together. Maybe it’s unfair of me to assume what you mean when you say you’re not into Asian men.
But too often, Asians are as guilty as anyone in refusing to see Asian men as sexual partners. Nor should we feel obligated to constrain our options to Asian men. If anything, we’re likelier than other groups to give them a chance. I’m not saying that Asians alone are guilty of rejecting Asian men.
Usually the response would be a non-answer: silence, a topic change or “I don’t know, I’m just not into them.” Which begs the question: why? I sometimes ask that aloud. “I’m not into Asian men.” I can attribute this quote to several friends and acquaintances, and the funny thing is, many of them were Asian.
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